Quiet Weekend

It has been an interesting weekend so far. Since nothing really ended up happening on Friday, it has been a three day weekend here. It is oddly different because of the lack of things to do. I am not sure what to do with myself with this much time off. I don't think since we came here in September have we had more than one day off, because of Maasai village trips, Swahili lessons and other random things along the way. Yesterday I kind of lounged around and took long naps. Sort of felt like a lion, sleeping most of the day. In a way I feel that I wasted a day away in Africa by sleeping through most of it, but on the other hand, I was so tired from the previous week that it felt good to just sleep and nap.

Though today is just starting, I think that I am going to try and load my day with studying and personal reflection. I have kind of fallen behind on my personal reflection and I can feel the tensions in myself build. It is a weird sensation, almost overwhelming. I am finding that I NEED personal reflection time. If I don't spend time to empty my head, my thoughts stay there all day and just build and become a sopping mess of worry and anxiety...maybe I need to be on drugs...hmmm....nah.

Swahili is becoming very difficult for me. I am all of a sudden forgetting simple words, and grammar structure and I don't know why. It is as though the more I try to squeeze in, the more stuff falls out and then eventually it all falls out. It is becoming frustrating because there are times when I can't say the same thing two days in a row. It is as though my brain is rapidly losing memory. If this keeps up, by the time I leave here I won't even be able to say hello.

Unfortunately, I feel as though things are becoming routine here. Unless there is something out of the ordinary with a village or with our schedule during the week, villages start to run together. Worship services seem to go by without me even noticing anymore. I am finding myself sitting for four to five hour periods of time in a worship service and forgetting that I am even sitting there. I remember beginning the service, taking communion, and then leaving... I am not sure if this is a good thing or an incredibly terrible thing that is happening. I feel as though I am just living. Like this is my life right now, and I live it one day at a time, just like at home. Africa has become my new home. I am not shocked by too much anymore, when I see things that I used to find absolutely fascinating in the beginning, I now see them as everyday life.

Becoming more conditioned to Africa makes me wonder what is going to happen when I get home? What kind of re-entry culture shock am I going to experience. Will I feel at home right away, or will it take me a while to get back into the swing of things? There are times here where I miss home quite a bit, will there be times when I feel the same way about Tanzania? It is hard to say what is going to happen when I get back home. I am curious to see what happens.

Peace,
PHW