This week has been one of little activity, by choice. I am still recouping from malaria to a degree for it has left me weakened. There is a very large seminar that is going on now her at the seminary. All of the evangelists and pastors from the Morogoro area are in attendance to hear lectures about current church issues and have forums on strategizing the ministries of the Lutheran Church in this area. Instead of sitting through these lectures in Swahili I have been focusing my efforts on getting stronger and healthier so that I am tip-top shape when I go home. I have been trying to gain back some weight so that I do not scare my family and friends. I think it is working. 30 pounds is a lot of weight to lose in three months.
It has been interesting just having so much time to reflect about my experience here this week. It is as though my brain refuses to do it. No matter how hard I try I can't reflect on anything, as though my mind were preventing me from turning around and seeing what I have done as though to protect me from what I might see. I know that as the days ahead come and go I will be able to reflect more and will really feel the power of something much larger than me that has been here in Tanzania, but for now I am just a little numb. Right now my mind really only lets me be introspective about home and what is ahead of me right now. As I look to the journey of going home and being at home one thing keeps popping back into my head over and over. Do not go home with expectations. Just as it was not a good idea to come to Africa with expectations and pretenses, it is not a good idea to go home ideas of what is going to happen either. I know that as much as I would have liked it to, home has not been suspended in time. Home has changed like I have. People have changed. I know that I must come home with an open mind and heart, for there may be people that I once really liked that may be completely different when I get home, and not just because they have changed but because I have.
I have no clue how much I have grown here, and only time will tell to show how much I really have. I do know that I am leaving here changed though, that is one thing that I am almost certain of. Something inside of me is different, though I do not know what it is. I know that re-entry back home may be the hardest part of the whole experience and that adapting back to where I have spent nearly all of my life is going to be a challenge. I am oh so curious to see how things have changed, if they have at all. I am nervous and excited and fearful and happy and every other emotion that you can think of when it comes to going home, but in two days I leave. In two days I embark on the final leg or perhaps the first leg on my journey.
I know that I have seen things here that no one will ever see. I have experienced once in a lifetime happenings everyday here and I am reminded every single time that I step out my door by the Baobab tree that I am in Africa. That for three months I lived a dream. I know that I am going to miss this place. I know that there are going to be times when no one can comfort me because of the empty feeling that I have inside that can only be filled by watching the sunset behind the mountains in Tanzania. I will yearn for the solitude, and long for the silence. All of these things will come in due time, but for now I am numb.
Peace,
PHW
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Long awaited post
Last week we headed to Zanzibar. The place was beautiful and filled with a rich history. Zanzibar is over 95% Muslim so it was an interesting atmosphere to be in. The sights, smells, and sounds of the land of Freddy Mercury were much different from Morogoro, but I didn't feel as though I had left Tanzania. Some people say that it is like a whole new world in Zanzibar, but I don't think that I can agree. I mean right away you begin to notice the differences between Zanzibar and the mainland of Tanzania, but quickly it becomes apparent how tied these places are together.
I think the biggest difference for me and also the hardest one to see was the white people. There were so many white people in Zanzibar, and everyone of them tourists... blatantly tourists. As we were walking the streets to find a place to eat that first night we saw plenty of girls in the shortest of short shorts, super low-cut top, and no real gratitude for anything that they received. Now keep in mind this is a 95% Muslim population. The four U.S. students felt embarrassed, and ashamed at what we saw. We were shocked at the cultural insensitivity of these white people, everywhere. That's when I started to wonder what kind of things have I done over these past few months that have been that offensive to other people? I would like to think that I haven't, but I just don't know.
The beach and the ocean provided much needed relaxation time. It felt good to just not do anything for while. To relax at last. It was the first time I had ever really seen the ocean and definitely the first time to swim in it. I was by no means disappointed by what I had encountered. Wading through the water we had to watch our step because among the seaweed were the sharp spines of sea urchins. Hundreds... Thousands of sea urchins. Thankfully none of us got stuck by them.
Steve, Tim, Luka and I took a small wooden fishing boat out to the reef and snorkeled. I had a great time seeing all of the fish, coral, underwater plant life, bigger sea urchins, and jelly fish.
I should probably mention that throughout the time in Zanzibar I started to feel ill, running fevers and having chills at night and aches during the day. I tried to not let get to me and power through so I could enjoy it as much as possible. It worked kinda.
When we got back to the seminary I got my blood checked and found out that I had malaria. Second time in three months. I think that is a sign that it is time to leave.
I have spent the past few days in a hallucinogenic haze from the excessive amounts of larium that is in the anti-malaria medication and from the malaria itself. It has been a bumpy ride these past four or five days. mostly spent in bed.
Peace,
PHW
I think the biggest difference for me and also the hardest one to see was the white people. There were so many white people in Zanzibar, and everyone of them tourists... blatantly tourists. As we were walking the streets to find a place to eat that first night we saw plenty of girls in the shortest of short shorts, super low-cut top, and no real gratitude for anything that they received. Now keep in mind this is a 95% Muslim population. The four U.S. students felt embarrassed, and ashamed at what we saw. We were shocked at the cultural insensitivity of these white people, everywhere. That's when I started to wonder what kind of things have I done over these past few months that have been that offensive to other people? I would like to think that I haven't, but I just don't know.
The beach and the ocean provided much needed relaxation time. It felt good to just not do anything for while. To relax at last. It was the first time I had ever really seen the ocean and definitely the first time to swim in it. I was by no means disappointed by what I had encountered. Wading through the water we had to watch our step because among the seaweed were the sharp spines of sea urchins. Hundreds... Thousands of sea urchins. Thankfully none of us got stuck by them.
Steve, Tim, Luka and I took a small wooden fishing boat out to the reef and snorkeled. I had a great time seeing all of the fish, coral, underwater plant life, bigger sea urchins, and jelly fish.
I should probably mention that throughout the time in Zanzibar I started to feel ill, running fevers and having chills at night and aches during the day. I tried to not let get to me and power through so I could enjoy it as much as possible. It worked kinda.
When we got back to the seminary I got my blood checked and found out that I had malaria. Second time in three months. I think that is a sign that it is time to leave.
I have spent the past few days in a hallucinogenic haze from the excessive amounts of larium that is in the anti-malaria medication and from the malaria itself. It has been a bumpy ride these past four or five days. mostly spent in bed.
Peace,
PHW
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