Sitting, thinking

This week has been one of little activity, by choice. I am still recouping from malaria to a degree for it has left me weakened. There is a very large seminar that is going on now her at the seminary. All of the evangelists and pastors from the Morogoro area are in attendance to hear lectures about current church issues and have forums on strategizing the ministries of the Lutheran Church in this area. Instead of sitting through these lectures in Swahili I have been focusing my efforts on getting stronger and healthier so that I am tip-top shape when I go home. I have been trying to gain back some weight so that I do not scare my family and friends. I think it is working. 30 pounds is a lot of weight to lose in three months.

It has been interesting just having so much time to reflect about my experience here this week. It is as though my brain refuses to do it. No matter how hard I try I can't reflect on anything, as though my mind were preventing me from turning around and seeing what I have done as though to protect me from what I might see. I know that as the days ahead come and go I will be able to reflect more and will really feel the power of something much larger than me that has been here in Tanzania, but for now I am just a little numb. Right now my mind really only lets me be introspective about home and what is ahead of me right now. As I look to the journey of going home and being at home one thing keeps popping back into my head over and over. Do not go home with expectations. Just as it was not a good idea to come to Africa with expectations and pretenses, it is not a good idea to go home ideas of what is going to happen either. I know that as much as I would have liked it to, home has not been suspended in time. Home has changed like I have. People have changed. I know that I must come home with an open mind and heart, for there may be people that I once really liked that may be completely different when I get home, and not just because they have changed but because I have.

I have no clue how much I have grown here, and only time will tell to show how much I really have. I do know that I am leaving here changed though, that is one thing that I am almost certain of. Something inside of me is different, though I do not know what it is. I know that re-entry back home may be the hardest part of the whole experience and that adapting back to where I have spent nearly all of my life is going to be a challenge. I am oh so curious to see how things have changed, if they have at all. I am nervous and excited and fearful and happy and every other emotion that you can think of when it comes to going home, but in two days I leave. In two days I embark on the final leg or perhaps the first leg on my journey.

I know that I have seen things here that no one will ever see. I have experienced once in a lifetime happenings everyday here and I am reminded every single time that I step out my door by the Baobab tree that I am in Africa. That for three months I lived a dream. I know that I am going to miss this place. I know that there are going to be times when no one can comfort me because of the empty feeling that I have inside that can only be filled by watching the sunset behind the mountains in Tanzania. I will yearn for the solitude, and long for the silence. All of these things will come in due time, but for now I am numb.

Peace,
PHW

Long awaited post

Last week we headed to Zanzibar. The place was beautiful and filled with a rich history. Zanzibar is over 95% Muslim so it was an interesting atmosphere to be in. The sights, smells, and sounds of the land of Freddy Mercury were much different from Morogoro, but I didn't feel as though I had left Tanzania. Some people say that it is like a whole new world in Zanzibar, but I don't think that I can agree. I mean right away you begin to notice the differences between Zanzibar and the mainland of Tanzania, but quickly it becomes apparent how tied these places are together.

I think the biggest difference for me and also the hardest one to see was the white people. There were so many white people in Zanzibar, and everyone of them tourists... blatantly tourists. As we were walking the streets to find a place to eat that first night we saw plenty of girls in the shortest of short shorts, super low-cut top, and no real gratitude for anything that they received. Now keep in mind this is a 95% Muslim population. The four U.S. students felt embarrassed, and ashamed at what we saw. We were shocked at the cultural insensitivity of these white people, everywhere. That's when I started to wonder what kind of things have I done over these past few months that have been that offensive to other people? I would like to think that I haven't, but I just don't know.

The beach and the ocean provided much needed relaxation time. It felt good to just not do anything for while. To relax at last. It was the first time I had ever really seen the ocean and definitely the first time to swim in it. I was by no means disappointed by what I had encountered. Wading through the water we had to watch our step because among the seaweed were the sharp spines of sea urchins. Hundreds... Thousands of sea urchins. Thankfully none of us got stuck by them.

Steve, Tim, Luka and I took a small wooden fishing boat out to the reef and snorkeled. I had a great time seeing all of the fish, coral, underwater plant life, bigger sea urchins, and jelly fish.

I should probably mention that throughout the time in Zanzibar I started to feel ill, running fevers and having chills at night and aches during the day. I tried to not let get to me and power through so I could enjoy it as much as possible. It worked kinda.

When we got back to the seminary I got my blood checked and found out that I had malaria. Second time in three months. I think that is a sign that it is time to leave.

I have spent the past few days in a hallucinogenic haze from the excessive amounts of larium that is in the anti-malaria medication and from the malaria itself. It has been a bumpy ride these past four or five days. mostly spent in bed.



Peace,
PHW

Two weeks left

Happy belated Thanksgiving to everybody. Hope everyone had their great sufficiency and didn't go to far into a tryptophan overdose. Thanksgiving day did not mean turkey and family here in Tanzania, instead it meant final tests in Swahili. I have this feeling that I got bulldozed by the test. I am not saying that I failed, but merely that I was quasi-defeated. Languages aren't exactly my strong point and that was accentuated on T-day. Oh well, such is life.

Tim became sick Thursday night with what appeared to be a nice heavy-duty case of the flu. The next morning I woke up not feeling the greatest myself. I am not sure if I was actually sick or merely feeling ill in sympathy. So Tim and I got to spend the day in bed while Sara and Steve went to a village with Luka and PH. I was able to catch up on the news and send out a few emails. It felt good to read about global events all day.

Speaking about global events, the events in Mumbai have been a humbling reminder to those of us abroad to keep a low profile, but yet to not live in fear. Before deciding to come to Africa I was seriously considering studying abroad in India, which has made me think about how different I would feel if I was there instead of here.

My mind has been shifted lately from being here to preparing myself for going back home. Even though there is still two weeks left here, that is not much time. I have gone through two week periods six times now. Wow, I have been here twelve weeks...it just kinda sunk in how long I have been here. I have begun to really think about things I want to change in my life or at least try to incorporate into my life when I get home. It is completely a mental game, and my thoughts are more than likely ambitious, but I am thinking none the less. I won't be able to know what is feasible and realistic until I get home, but I know that things must change when I get home. I owe it to myself to change, since I have discovered so much about myself here. I am going to go out on a cliched limb and say that Africa has changed me, through the hospitality of the people that I have met and the solitude that places like Tanzania can give. Through deep times of reflection, I have been able to listen. To listen to the voice that has been trying to speak to me for quite a while now, telling me that these times they are a changin'.

I am preparing myself for re-entry just as I tried to prepare myself for the initial culture shock of coming here... Therefore that means I have no idea what to expect when I get home, except that I will be rather cold getting off the plane.

We head to Zanzibar on Monday for the week. It is going to be a nice vacation, a nice time to really feel like a tourist again... not that we aren't tourists now, but we will definitely feel it in Zanzibar. Yay for snorkeling and spice tours and mass consumerism... I am looking forward to it.

Peace,
Peter

Pack it up, pack it in let me begin

These past two days we have been to two Maasai villages. It has been two long days with us not returning until the stars light the sky like a lite-brite. Both villages were amazing to say the least.

Tuesday's village worship took place under a few trees and everybody (about 200) sat around in a big circle and just listened and laughed and sang and communed together. It was like tearing pages right out of the Bible. Telling stories and sharing God and love with everybody. I felt like I could see Jesus of Nazareth doing something so very similar, enrapturing the masses. Long before the service ever began we were shown the river that was near by. It was a very interesting river because it appeared to be wet sand but upon further inspection it was not hard to see that we were actually standing on top of the water source. If you dug any sort of hole it would quickly fill up with water. It was very fascinating to watch.

After the service we were treated to a show by the Maasai warriors. They sang and had a jumping contest, which is always fascinating to watch. I really enjoy watching the Maasai men break from their seriousness every once and a while to enjoy themselves and also to have a little friendly competition. It really showed which warriors were more experienced than others by the several inches higher they jumped. They appeared to be almost superhuman in the heights that they reached. It was as though they could have followed in the footsteps of Elijah.

The second Maasai village we visited was having a very special fundraiser to put in windows, doors, and a floor for their church. There again was close to 200 in attendance, all packed into a church that wasn't exactly huge. After the service there was an auction that brought out a lot of money. The goats that were there sold for 5 to 6 times as much as I had seen before. The pieces of fabric that typically go for $8-$10 at the most were selling for $35-$40. All of the money going back to the church...Hmm socialistic Christianity? ... That seems almost biblical...

The past two days have been very interesting in terms of growth. I find it hard to grasp what has really happened the past two days, or the past three months. I have become attached to the Maasai people in a weird way. It has been a fascinating three months and I am sure there are really odd aspects of it that I am going to miss, but I have no clue what yet.

Peace,
PHW

I subscribe to the news

I realize that I have neglected posting for a while. Last week was filled with many different things and village visits and such. I feel as though village visits have become part of the routine. It is not that I do not enjoy them, it was the fact that I know how the visits are going to go everytime, as far as the wait for a couple of hours before, the order of the service...even the songs that we are going to sing. I find comfort in these things, this repetition sometimes because it makes the time seem to just slide by, but then there are times when I begin to think that perhaps I need a change of pace if only for a little while.

Sunday we went back to Mabogeri, the village by Kilosa. This is the village that I had previously blogged about with all of the problems. It was a much different visit than before. People weren't hiding nearly as much, and more men were present. They gave us tea and half-cakes galore and gave us a meal after service as well. I was not sure how to accept these gifts of food when they themselves still suffer severely. It was a great lesson in hospitality, since hospitality is most certainly a two way street. The demeanor of the people seemed to be a little more positive, but it could easily be seen that they were still in dire need of help. If you weren't paying attention you could miss the fact that the people were still not able to eat very much and were still very much in need of aid. The Maasai can mask these things so easily through there great hospitality and their positive outlook on life. They are a strong people, and they refuse to weaken even in times of great strife.

After the service a woman became hysterical and at times appeared to be possesed. The evangelists and pastors worked with her for almost an hour trying to rid her of her demon. She suffers/ed from PPD, having attempted to kill her child once. This seemed to be the biggest part of her hysteria, but every once and a while it appeared that there was something inside here resisting as though there was something else living in her. This incident again brought up the issue of demons and evil and black magic into my mind. When I think of these things I am reminded of Carlos Castaneda writing about the alternate realities that lie within our own world that we simply can't see. When I hear about, or in this case see, demon possession I can't help but wonder if there is validity in it. Just because something lies in another reality and that person can see it, doesn't make it any less real for that person. I realize that I am digressing into philosophical nonsense but it is the only way that I can explain it.

On the way home we saw what was more than likely dead body #2.

Something that I should mention that I didn't a few posts ago... When we are at the wedding at the prison Tim went into the bathroom only to turn around and slam the door because a long green snake came out of the toilet pit and started coming toward him... though more than likely not in a threatening manner. Upon further research, Tim is convinced that he say a green mamba which isn't nearly as bad as the black, but still a mamba none the less. We sometimes forget about the fact that we are in Tanzania and that typical things that wouldn't hurt us at home will most definitely kill you here. It's a humbling reminder that we are still in a place where we have to watch our step, and stay alert to the bugs and other creatures that live around us.

Prime example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oR3oD0WDcVU Steve took this video just outside the place where we eat. It is a cobra and they can kill you.

Peace,
Peter

Singing with the Maasai

Tuesday took us close to where we went on Friday. The church was packed with standing room only, creating a nice oven to sit in. Tim, Steve, and I had learned our lesson from Sunday and brought rags to wipe the sweat off our brow and fan ourselves with. There were several choirs there, including "Wartburg". The four of us had the honor of singing in front of the congregation. We chose to sing the song "Sanctuary" and actually pulled it off fairly well. I was quite amazed out our little quartet. During offering the Maasai pastors and Maasai evangelists gathered together in Morani ya Yesu (Morani is the age group of Maasai men that are Warriors) and had their own choir. Luka decided that it would be great fun if he brought me up with them to sing. So here was Luka and I standing with a group of Maasai. As we "danced" and sang, I couldn't help but feel connected better to the people that I have come to know and respect over these past few months. It has been quite the experience here.

After the service Tim and I bought a goat at the auction for on of the evangelists. It was a little different auction this time because there were several goats and a cow up for grabs. I know that in the past I have heard people that came here at one point in time or another have bought goats and cattle, but since we have been here anything bigger than a chicken has been a rarity. Most of the people we see are very very poor and are not able to give up any of their animals for the sake of charity. I am not saying that the people at this Maasai village were rich by any means, just that they had goats and cattle to donate.

Wednesday we head out to a Maasai village near a secondary school that PH spoke at a few weeks ago. It is a highly Muslim populated area, so it should be interesting to see how it goes. It's not that there is going to be trouble or anything, but I like to go into the heavy muslim populated areas and see the interaction of the people.


Peace,
PHW

Prison

Yet another eventful weekend came and went. While Tim stayed home with malaria on Friday, Sara, Steve and myself went with PH and Luka to a Maasai village. This village seemed a little different than the a lot of the previous ones that we had been to in the past few weeks. There was a sense of real happiness and joy in the faces, instead of the tired, stressed and feared faces that we had started to become more familiar to. The air smelled of nag champa, which reminded me a lot of home because I burn nag champa incense while I study. The whole day was very upbeat. The choirs danced and sang with a great energy.

Saturday was wedding time once again. Only this wedding took place at a prison. One of the guards was getting married, and PH was performing the ceremony. It was an interesting wedding indeed. Not because there were prisoners there (there weren't any) but the fact that the choir had two electric guitars, a bass, and an electric keyboard. It was weird to see these things. I haven't seen an electric guitar in action since I left home. It was interesting to listen to, for they were really good but yet I didn't like it. It wasn't the fact that it wasn't my genre of music or anything, I guess it just lost something for me since we usually listen to choirs that do things with a drum at most. It seemed to lose something for me, which was an odd sensation because I used to play in a praise band throughout high school and part of college.

Sunday we went to the youth prison for a very special service. It was confirmation Sunday. Two inmates were among those that were being confirmed. For some reason I feel very attached to the prison visits. Earlier in the week I had communed with pardoned murders, and now I got to see two inmates be confirmed. I don't know if I feel that I am being called to prison ministry, but I do know that I felt a strong connection with the prisons just the same. Perhaps it is the fact that Jesus was executed by the state...

As time goes on here in Africa, I am finding out more and more that I am Lutheran. I had been pondering the idea that all people have the potential to do great wrong and the potential to do great right... Then like a stein of beer it hit me that I was thinking about Martin Luther's idea about being both saint and sinner. I may sound pretentious or even pontificate if I say this but... I think that I have really begun to understand the theology of the cross...probably not, but I am still seeing God in the places that I do not expect. I am beginning to understand that we must transcend far beyond the elementary notions that anyone is different in the eyes of God. We are all loved the same. We are all the children of God, no matter what we do. We are all brothers and sisters, and for me it is through Jesus the Christ that I understand this. That is how I understand this notion, but it doesn't mean that I am more right than my Muslim, Hindu, Bahai, Zoroastrian, Atheistic brothers and sisters. When we realize that we are all human beings and that we are all brothers and sisters. We all come from the same light, the same parent, the same space, the same universe.

Peace,
Peter